Letting Your Child Fail is Difficult!

by | Oct 7, 2020 | Family, Mental Health, Parenting with Purpose, Tips, Uncategorized

Please share!

Failure is healthy.

rock holding note "Every Failure is a step to success" -letting your child fail is difficult!

Letting your child fail is so difficult… but so healthy for everyone!
It never gets easy to watch or let your child fail. From when they are just starting to crawl and they literally fall on their face to when they are a junior in high school and cannot figure math out. Or have to sit out in a dance competition… lots of tears. Letting your child fail is so difficult.

one example

As a parent I know how stressful it is teaching your child how to ride a bike- first with training wheels and then without training wheels. Going from showing them how to actually use the pedals with training wheels to holding on as long as possible to them when they are without training wheels.

another example

School stress is an entirely different level. When they get into the secondary grades it is so much harder to help them with their homework. They’re sitting at the kitchen counter taking a math quiz for the third time because they cannot get 75%. As the parent, I felt helpless. So I pretty much sat there and looked up how to solve the problems while he was trying to figure them out. Finally he said that I was causing more stress by trying to help him. It’s so difficult.

save them

Holding on and wanting to save them from that feeling of failure is what I did and still do… but not as often. Why do I want to save my children from failure? Maybe it’s because I feel like if I protect them they will be more confident… not true. By protecting them I’m not building self-confidence. I’m teaching them that failing is a bad thing and to be ashamed of failing.

As a parent when I’m offering to help or control the situation I’m telling them I do not have confidence in their ability. I’m giving them the impression that I’m better than they are. Yes I believe as parents we are more wise than our children. Wisdom comes from experience and living life. They need to experience life and that involves having to do things more than one time to learn it.

Letting them fail

It happened again, trying to save my son from failure just caused more stress for the entire family. When I let him do it on his own and support him by getting out of his way, he didn’t give up. Instead he continued to try over and over again. He persevered on his own. He was proud of his accomplishments. His entire demeanor had changed.. body language and inner self.

lesson learned

Lesson learned again. It is healthy to let your child fail. Trust me the harder they fall the stronger they get up. As a result they are ready for the next challenge. And it feels good for you, as their mom, to have trusted them to figure it out. Trust me, I am still learning, but am getting better at letting go. Failure is a step in the right direction.

3 young adults jumping in the air on a beach
Failure builds self-confidence.

by Dr. Kim Grengs, Parent Coach

Other posts you may be interested in

Is Your Child Ready For A Smart Phone?

Are you feeling pressure to buy a smart phone for your kids? Are you weighing the decision carefully? If so, good for you! It's a big decision to...

Social Media And Its Impact On Teens

Social media has become an integral part of your teenagers’ lives, shaping their interactions, self-perception and overall experiences. While social...

Putting a Positive Spin On Tech

It's common for parents to have battles with their kids about screens and technology use. So you are not alone! But what is often forgotten is that...

More Tools For Back To School

It’s almost time for kids to go back to school, and some kids are already back at school. Are you feeling anxious? Are your kids feeling unsure of...

Healthy Tech Habits For Back To School

As the back to school season approaches, you’re probably realizing that your family’s tech habits have suffered this summer! It’s easy to let things...

Preparing Your Kids for Friends and Back To School

As the back-to-school season approaches, you’re probably filled with the excitement and anticipation of your kids return to the classroom. While...

How To Combat Back To School Anxiety

Have you noticed the back to school supplies out at stores?  If you have seen them, so have your kids and they are probably starting to feel a...

Do You Know Your Parenting Strengths?

Do you know what your strengths are in parenting? Identifying your strengths will help you to understand yourself better and learn how to be a...

How To Help Teens Dealing With Change

No one experiences changes in life quite like teenagers! Adolescence is a phase filled with changes: physically, emotionally and socially. Teens...