Letting Your Child Fail is Difficult!

by | Oct 7, 2020 | Family, Mental Health, Parenting with Purpose, Tips, Uncategorized

Please share!

Failure is healthy.

rock holding note "Every Failure is a step to success" -letting your child fail is difficult!

Letting your child fail is so difficult… but so healthy for everyone!
It never gets easy to watch or let your child fail. From when they are just starting to crawl and they literally fall on their face to when they are a junior in high school and cannot figure math out. Or have to sit out in a dance competition… lots of tears. Letting your child fail is so difficult.

one example

As a parent I know how stressful it is teaching your child how to ride a bike- first with training wheels and then without training wheels. Going from showing them how to actually use the pedals with training wheels to holding on as long as possible to them when they are without training wheels.

another example

School stress is an entirely different level. When they get into the secondary grades it is so much harder to help them with their homework. They’re sitting at the kitchen counter taking a math quiz for the third time because they cannot get 75%. As the parent, I felt helpless. So I pretty much sat there and looked up how to solve the problems while he was trying to figure them out. Finally he said that I was causing more stress by trying to help him. It’s so difficult.

save them

Holding on and wanting to save them from that feeling of failure is what I did and still do… but not as often. Why do I want to save my children from failure? Maybe it’s because I feel like if I protect them they will be more confident… not true. By protecting them I’m not building self-confidence. I’m teaching them that failing is a bad thing and to be ashamed of failing.

As a parent when I’m offering to help or control the situation I’m telling them I do not have confidence in their ability. I’m giving them the impression that I’m better than they are. Yes I believe as parents we are more wise than our children. Wisdom comes from experience and living life. They need to experience life and that involves having to do things more than one time to learn it.

Letting them fail

It happened again, trying to save my son from failure just caused more stress for the entire family. When I let him do it on his own and support him by getting out of his way, he didn’t give up. Instead he continued to try over and over again. He persevered on his own. He was proud of his accomplishments. His entire demeanor had changed.. body language and inner self.

lesson learned

Lesson learned again. It is healthy to let your child fail. Trust me the harder they fall the stronger they get up. As a result they are ready for the next challenge. And it feels good for you, as their mom, to have trusted them to figure it out. Trust me, I am still learning, but am getting better at letting go. Failure is a step in the right direction.

3 young adults jumping in the air on a beach
Failure builds self-confidence.

by Dr. Kim Grengs, Parent Coach

Other posts you may be interested in

A Guide on How to Stop Yelling at Your Teenager

Parenting a teenager is filled with many  challenges, and it is not uncommon to  resort to yelling.  Unfortunately, yelling often damages the...

6 Immediate Steps To Spending Quality Time With Your Teenager

They can be moody, hormonal, and sometimes not the most pleasant people to be around. But, they're also curious, insightful, and on their way to...

3 Tips To Get Closer To Your Teen

Would you like a better relationship with your teen? Of course you would. You didn't become a parent to do a lousy job at parenting! So finding 3...

Concerned About Your Child’s Screen Time?

Are you concerned about your child’s screen time? You are not alone. The pandemic increased screen time for everyone and it's hard to change those...

15 Amazing Apps For Anxiety, Stress and Mindfulness

In recent years, there's been a surge in apps designed to support mental health. Many of these apps offer tools for managing anxiety, stress and...

Empowering Anxious Children with Technology

Technology today plays a pervasive role in the lives of children. From educational apps to social media, the digital landscape is a double edged...

Fun Family Activities With Technology

Do you feel intimidated using technology with your kids? You are not alone. Many parents do, but one of the best things families can do is engage...

Making The Most Of Parent Teacher Conferences

Dr. Kim Grengs and Lisa Edwards are here to discuss how to make your parent teacher conferences a success. Make sure to watch the video for all the...

Hunt, Gather, Parent ~ Parenting Book Review

Looking for a Good Parenting Book? Read any good parenting books lately? Parenting books are often best sellers. Can there really be anything new to...