Letting Your Child Fail is Difficult!

by | Oct 7, 2020 | Family, Mental Health, Parenting with Purpose, Tips, Uncategorized

Please share!

Failure is healthy.

rock holding note "Every Failure is a step to success" -letting your child fail is difficult!

Letting your child fail is so difficult… but so healthy for everyone!
It never gets easy to watch or let your child fail. From when they are just starting to crawl and they literally fall on their face to when they are a junior in high school and cannot figure math out. Or have to sit out in a dance competition… lots of tears. Letting your child fail is so difficult.

one example

As a parent I know how stressful it is teaching your child how to ride a bike- first with training wheels and then without training wheels. Going from showing them how to actually use the pedals with training wheels to holding on as long as possible to them when they are without training wheels.

another example

School stress is an entirely different level. When they get into the secondary grades it is so much harder to help them with their homework. They’re sitting at the kitchen counter taking a math quiz for the third time because they cannot get 75%. As the parent, I felt helpless. So I pretty much sat there and looked up how to solve the problems while he was trying to figure them out. Finally he said that I was causing more stress by trying to help him. It’s so difficult.

save them

Holding on and wanting to save them from that feeling of failure is what I did and still do… but not as often. Why do I want to save my children from failure? Maybe it’s because I feel like if I protect them they will be more confident… not true. By protecting them I’m not building self-confidence. I’m teaching them that failing is a bad thing and to be ashamed of failing.

As a parent when I’m offering to help or control the situation I’m telling them I do not have confidence in their ability. I’m giving them the impression that I’m better than they are. Yes I believe as parents we are more wise than our children. Wisdom comes from experience and living life. They need to experience life and that involves having to do things more than one time to learn it.

Letting them fail

It happened again, trying to save my son from failure just caused more stress for the entire family. When I let him do it on his own and support him by getting out of his way, he didn’t give up. Instead he continued to try over and over again. He persevered on his own. He was proud of his accomplishments. His entire demeanor had changed.. body language and inner self.

lesson learned

Lesson learned again. It is healthy to let your child fail. Trust me the harder they fall the stronger they get up. As a result they are ready for the next challenge. And it feels good for you, as their mom, to have trusted them to figure it out. Trust me, I am still learning, but am getting better at letting go. Failure is a step in the right direction.

3 young adults jumping in the air on a beach
Failure builds self-confidence.

by Dr. Kim Grengs, Parent Coach

Other posts you may be interested in

Parent Reactions To Holiday Stress

Holiday stress is everywhere! Of course your stress increases at the holidays! You're a parent. You can find many articles, blogs, podcasts and...

Build Your Teen’s Self Esteem

Parenting teens is tough work. You want your teens to feel confident in their skin. The teenage years can be the most challenging for kids and their...

7 Easy Table Manners Every Kid Should Know

By Lisa Edwards, Parent Coach With any large celebration or holiday, you may find yourself, with your children seated around a large dinner table...

Building Gratitude Around The Holidays

Are you worried about your child feeling spoiled, or ungrateful around the holidays?  It is the season of giving, but also a season of “gimme”. ...

How To Handle Family Holidays With An Anxious Child

The holidays are just around the corner.  A time for joy and merriment.  But if your child struggles with anxiety, holidays or big family events can...

What’s The Importance of Family?

Do you want to be a mediocre parent? Of course not! You want to be the best parent possible. You want to be a champion at parenting. Which means...

Boundaries Are Good For Children!

Boundaries are good for children and parents.Boundaries create a loving family culture based on mutual respect, fairness, cooperation, and kindness.

What To Do When Siblings Fight

Do siblings fight at your house? Sibling arguing is totally normal. One moment they are playing together and having fun, the next moment they are...

What To Do When Your Teen Doesn’t Like You

We've all been there.  Feeling like your teen doesn't like you at all.  Maybe they are yelling at you?  Maybe they are ignoring you?  Maybe they are...