By Dr. Kim Grengs, Parent Coach
Boundaries are good for children and parents. What boundaries do you have for your child? They provide a child with the opportunity to be successful. The child will learn responsibility and how to manage their behavior to make positive choices throughout their life. Boundaries create a loving family culture based on mutual respect, fairness, cooperation, and kindness.
The number one complaint from school personnel is the lack of parents setting boundaries for their children. Setting limits at home will help children to adhere to boundaries given at school and elsewhere.
Boundaries help establish structure, guidelines, and reinforcement for desired behavior while eliminating poor behavior. Guidelines for children provide them with the sense of security they need to be successful. Knowing boundaries and how to successfully maneuver through them to be successful gives children a sense of self. Boundaries will help children to be successful adults by being able to cooperate and socialize with others.
children and self-management
Children that learn self-management through their parents setting limits will have an easier life. They will be able to participate in life rather than survive because they will have the skills to know how. Children learn to appreciate and support their efforts and successes and view failure as a learning opportunity.
So how can parents establish boundaries with their children knowing that the decisions made will not always be the popular one? Establishing boundaries means you are being a strong, effective parent doing what is the best for your child to grow up to be a productive and caring citizen.
Being a parent is about taking charge and responsibility by having certain expectations and establishing limits. It is a parent’s responsibility and in the best interest of your child to set boundaries and expectations. They will learn the importance of working together and helping out for the good of the whole. Your job is to teach your child how to be a responsible, independent adult.
children need to hear No
Boundaries mean saying no to your child. It is difficult, but overall your child will respect you more and will learn a life lesson. “No” is about safety, structure, time, cost, performance, and discipline. You should not negotiate with your child in most situations. This will look different at every age. As the parent, you have the experience in life and resources to set the boundaries.
Therefore, If we do not expect much from our children, that is what we will get. You get what you expect. Communicating this is what we do and how we live. Consistency is very important to children. One example is when your child wants to bring a toy to the table and the rule is no toys at the table- you can say that toys are not allowed to the table and suggest putting the toy on the counter until dinner is over.
examples of boundaries for children include:
- Hold an adult’s hand when crossing the street.
- Stay in the yard when outside.
- An adult must be present when swimming.
- Set a bedtime.
- Brush teeth every night and morning.
- Pick up toys when done and put them away where they belong.
- Phones remain on the kitchen counter at night.
- Use manners- please and thank you.
- Put cups, dishes, glasses in the dishwasher.
- Turn out the lights when you leave the room.
- Homework needs to be completed before going out with friends.
- One stay over a weekend.
- Complete laundry weekly/put laundry away.
- One hour of technology per night.
For children, it is important for parents to set boundaries and then follow up and adhere to them. Children will develop lifelong skills and gain self-confidence. Boundaries are good for children and parents and can help them be successful.
What questions do you have about setting boundaries with your child?
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